Writing is Changing My Life

There’s a special relationship between a writer and her pen. As I write my 100th post, I reflect on the rocky and flourishing relationship I have with kelseyempfield, my blog:

We began as a struggle. We became friends. We depend on each other for survival.

You see, kelseyempfield began as an assignment. A chore. A line on my to-do list.

We began as a struggle

At first she was annoying. I couldn’t figure her out:

What’s that button do? Why can’t I add a picture? What the hell is a ping-back?

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100 posts ago, kelseyempfield and I began our complicated relationship. I was frustrated with her because she was so different from anything I had written before. I wanted collegiate essays; she wanted blog posts.

And I was in over my head.

Twice each week I was forced to consult her and “open my mind” to her purpose: collaboration, digital footprint, connectedness.

Okay, kelseyempfield. You want short sentences? I’ll give you ten sentence paragraphs.

But she was adamant. She wanted my mind and my soul; she wanted sincere  and unapologetic writing and I was determined not to give it to her.

We became friends

After a few posts, my attitude started changing and we started to compromise.

For her behalf, I began to look for inspiration and, let me tell you, it was EVERYWHERE.thinkblog

I saw inspiration in the art of music videos, in dead grass, in the pages of my literature anthologies. I was inspired to become a better person because I was writing for her.

And then I got my A. She served my purpose and I became a terrible friend. I wouldn’t defend her and…

I abandoned her.

I forgot about the growth we shared and the memories we made. I started to brush her off as merely an acquaintance.

After a three month separation, I figured she would only be a back-up and float in cyberspace so I could have an appropriate digital footprint when I graduated. But I was wrong.

Once again, I was in the blogging saddle and she was reluctant to rekindle our relationship. So I started making amends. I wrote her a poem. I started pouring my soul into her and writing pieces that really mattered to me.

She accepted my apologies and we churned out marvelous pieces by working together.

We depend on each other for survival

I got my A again but this time was different – I didn’t abandon her. Instead, I began writing more than I was ever assigned in class.

Kelseyempfield has helped me become a writer.

Writing is now my outlet; writing is a tool for thinking about the world I know about and now I make something about the world. I wear my heart on my blog.

When people tell me they read my blog, I want to wrap them in a big hug. My blog is an untouchable – if you touch my blog, you tap into my heart.

To click on kelseyempfield is to click on a soul, a piece of a human captured in megapixels right there on the screen.

writeI don’t have to be someone I am not. These words you’ve been reading are me – they’re who I am.

Writing is never finished, only abandoned.

My past pieces are untouchable because I’m not the same person I was when I wrote it.

100 posts ago, I began a journey to become a writer.

My first piece is not a piece I would showcase because I’m a different person now; I can’t touch her piece and revise it. That’s who I was at one point. I can develop a new piece, using the old piece as inspiration, but it that piece will exist forever as my first post.

Although I am no longer obliged to write for kelseyempfield, or even acknowledge her existence, we depend on each other.

Writing for pleasure rejuvenates my mind in the sludge of academic writing. I can reflect with kelseyempfield and apply the methods I’m learning about with reality.

We spend the majority of our energy not doing what we most want to do, not say what we want to say. The soul waits, the heart waits. But when we write, even a note, we let out soul.

-Kim Stafford

I also use kelseyempfield to communicate. Reader, you keep me writing. Participating in a world outside myself, you motivate me.

Communicate. Collaborate. Connect.

My blog helps me to remember. I want to remember my college years. It’s so great to look back and see my old thoughts – see my growth.

My professor, whom I greatly admire, once said, “Writing well is difficult. It takes time; it takes bloody knuckles.”

Sometimes I fight for a piece and other times the letters form words which form paragraphs and it all flows from the tips of my fingers.

I’m done being complacent. I don’t want to life a stagnant life. I want to continually learn, grow, mature, and remember.

I get lost in her stats and archives because I can see who I was at that time.

I feel comfortable now as a writer to write about topics I never had the courage to pen 100 posts ago.

I am a writer.

I started writing because I had to. I wanted an A.

I keep writing because I want to live.

*DISCLAIMER: I do not actually talk to my blog. Kelseyempfield is personified to serve a writing purpose. DON’T make fun of her…she has feelings too.